Magical Group Therapy
by mariteri
Summary: Sheldon is pressed into going to therapy with his mate Penny. Shenny. Crack fic. Rated T to cover my bases.


**I do not own Harry Potter or The Big Bang Theory, nor do I own any of the characters therein. The author of this fanfiction does not garner any moneys from the publication of this work.**

**This idea popped into my head and I just had to write it.**

**Please read and review!**

**…**

**Magical Group Therapy**

Sheldon walked into the counseling session already feeling like he wanted to turn heel and leave. But Penny smiled at him in that sweet way that she did every time he felt off or wrong about something. Sighing heavily, he nodded and went into the room with her.

Penny sat down, patting the chair next to hers. "You'll see. This will be fine."

"Psychology is a soft science, Penelope," he told her, sitting next to her. "How you think speaking to other magical individuals would help me with my own issues, I don't know."

"Just trust me," she murmured. "Please?"

He sighed heavily, looking over to her. "Of course I trust you. It's the rest of this group, whom I have no idea who or what they are that has me questioning what I'm doing here at all."

A woman with frizzy hair, warm smile, and professional suit—which included shoes Sheldon was sure his Penny was seeing green over walked into the room. The woman smiled warmly and walked over to them.

"Good afternoon, Penelope," she murmured, her welcoming tones telling Sheldon that the woman was British. She turned her chocolate brown eyes on him. "And you must be, Sheldon. I'm glad you came here with her. Even if you don't believe in this, your support of her doing this means quite a bit."

He gave a curt nod, murmuring, "Anything for my Penny."

Her smile broadened. "I'm glad. My name is Hermione Granger." She pulled out her card, handing it over to him. "If you have any questions…"

"What makes you qualified to council the magical community?" he asked, interrupting her.

"I'm a natural born witch that learned to do as much with the aftermath of a war," she told him.

His eyes went wide at her saying so, "You're Hermione Granger?! As in one of the members of the Golden Trio?"

She blushed at his words. "Yes, that was me."

He frowned. "I would have thought you'd have more sense and go into a real science like physics."

"Sheldon!" Penny hissed at him even as Hermione threw back her head and laughed.

"No, that's okay, Penelope," Hermione said, still grinning getting to her feet. "I hear much the very same from my husband, who is very much the scientist as well." She turned as more people showed up. "Come on in, Bernadette!"

The petite blond came in, smiling broadly as the man next to her swaggered into the room. He looked around, winked at Penny, and was making a beeline for Hermione who had gone over to her desk when she spoke.

"I know of twelve different ways to set you on fire without lifting my wand," she said without looking up from the paperwork she was dealing with at her desk. "And all twelve of them have results that look like accidents or natural causes."

Sheldon looked over to Penny. "I like her."

"I knew you would, sweetie," she said, smiling at him.

Bernadette grabbed her boyfriend's hand, taking him over to where they would be sitting. Another person came through the door. The mousy woman was dressed in clothes older than most there and it didn't look like she had ever had her hair professionally cut. Ever. She looked around the room, pausing to give a sour look to the man with Bernadette. Her eyes finally rested on Penny.

Grinning, she went over and said, "Hello, Penny. I hope you are having a pleasant week."

"Yes, thank you." Her hand went tighter on Sheldon's. "Amy, this is my mate, Sheldon." She looked over to the man next to her. "Sheldon, this is Amy. I told you about her."

"The woman that was making rude advances despite you telling her that you are mated?" Sheldon looked to the now blushing Amy. "That's illogical on the face of it."

"Well, I'm not the only one," she muttered, in time for Leonard to come into the room with a large bouquet of flowers.

When he saw Sheldon, he tried to glare at him as he rushed over and snarled, "I called dibs! I saw her first!"

Sheldon kissed Penny's hand, getting to his feet and was now towering over the man. "And when was that?"

"Two months ago!" he snarled.

Sheldon sneered and said, "I met her in 1851 at the World's Fair in London."

Leonard's jaw dropped. He looked over to Penny, who shrugged and said, "I told you that we met a long time ago." Frowning, she turned to Sheldon and asked, "That was a while ago, wasn't it? It feels just like yesterday!"

"Very much so, beloved," he murmured, sitting next to her. He took up her hand, kissing it. "And you still look as lovely as the first day I met you."

"Oh you," she breathed, blushing prettily. "Always the charmer."

"Only for you," he told her, his eyes looking over to Leonard. "Pardon me a moment, love. I just need to say something to him and I'll be back."

"Okay," she replied.

He went over to Leonard and yanked him out of the room by his ear.

"Ouch! Why did you…" His words died in his throat, as he turned to look at the man that stole his possible future children away from him to find that he was much taller than he once was and looking rather more intimidating than before.

"I will only say this once," he growled at him. "Penelope is not for you." Turning on his heel he went back into the room, leaving a dejected Leonard out in the hallway.

"I told you, Mr. Hofstadter," Hermione said, as she joined him in the hallway. "There are lines that one should never cross. And one of them is with monogamous pair bonds. Different magical individuals can have different reactions to what is seen as a violation of their pact. You're just lucky that those two aren't vampires. Their mates can become violent and in most cases will kill the interloper without warning. In this case that would have been you. Now please rejoin us and take your seat."

He went back inside pouting as he did so. Sitting down hard in his seat, he did everything in his power not to stare at the two from that moment on.

Finally the last of their group joined them. A man and a woman came into the room. The shy man waved to Hermione, who smiled and waved back.

"Hello, Hermione," the woman said, her exotic voice lilting and had Leonard looking at her with a new appreciation.

"Everyone's here! Excellent!" Hermione shut the door, warding it and went over to her spot. "Good evening, everyone! I am so happy to see that some of you brought your mates here to meet the others. First things first, since we do have newcomers I am going to restate the rules quickly and then everyone can introduce yourselves to the others. This room is a safe zone. Meaning you can say what's on your mind with no magical repercussions. If you feel like you need to remove your glamours, feel free to do so. But if you have a scary, overly large, or overtly sexualized form, chances are I will ask you to put it back on." She looked to Howard. "And in some cases, I will crush them like a bug before they have a chance."

"I really like her," Sheldon whispered and had Penny giggling.

"Bernadette, if you could please start us off?" she murmured, sitting down once again.

"Hello everyone," she said in her sweet little voice. "My name is Bernadette and I'm a pixie! Howard here is a brownie. He's just an incredible builder. I'm so proud of him. I just wish he could keep it in his pants."

"Bernie!" he hissed. "I flirt, but that's it! I swear!"

"Then explain that gnome with your nose and eyes," she muttered. "I dare you."

Blushing he muttered, "I told you that my mother caught my father in the garden. I completely forgot to mention who she caught him with." He frowned. "She said it was a garden decoration, but I guess not."

"Well that's one image I'll never get out of my head," Hermione muttered, gaining a snort of laughter from the others there. "Next!"

"Hello, my name is Priya and this is my brother Raj. He can't speak right now as there are women in the room. We don't know what we are, but we do know that we are the descendants of Shiva and Parvati. Raj was able to figure out that we're their great-grandchildren twenty-five times removed…" Raj whispered something to her that had her rolling her eyes. "Pardon me, but that would be twenty-four times removed." She glared at her brother. "It was a long time ago, Rajesh. Being one generation off, doesn't matter! For all you know, you could be wrong and it is twenty-five!"

"Okay," Hermione said in a firm voice. "You can go back to that later. It's now someone else's turn. Amy."

"Hi," she said. "I'm Amy and I'm an orc."

"I thought them to be extinct," Sheldon said thoughtfully.

"No, we went into hiding after that whole middle earth fiasco." Sighing heavily, she added in a mutter, "What a kerfuffle that turned out to be." Sitting up straighter, she went on with, "Anyway, we keep pretty much to ourselves with the exception of the whole trying to lure a maiden to our lair in order to make a sacrifice and eat her bones business." She flushed in an unbecoming fashion. "Old habits die hard and all. Sorry, Penny."

"It happens," she murmured with an understanding grin.

"Leonard, you're next," Hermione told him.

"Hello, I'm Leonard and I'm a half giant…"

"Not in this reality!" came from Howard.

"Not even close, mister!" Bernie snapped.

"But he's so short," Penny whispered, only to have Sheldon murmuring to her that he lied. Glaring at him, she said, "Bad Leonard."

"Alright!" he exclaimed. "I'm a half dwarf and half troll."

They just stared at him for a time. It was Hermione who whispered, "As much as I don't want to picture how that could have happened…" She shook off the thought and looked over to Penny. "It's your turn."

"Thank you," she said with a grin. "I'm Penelope and I'm a dragon." She looked over to Amy. "I totally get that whole sacrifice business. Why there were some years that I only made it through by the virgin sacrifices alone."

Amy smiled a watery grin, whispering, "You're my best friend ever." Sniffling she asked, "Can I call you my bestie?"

"No."

"How about my bestest friend ever?"

"Not going to happen."

"The only light of my dull life and the hope of a new day?"

Rolling her eyes, Penny muttered, "You can call me bestie."

Clapping Amy was now grinning and looking happier than, well, ever.

"And, Sheldon, do you feel comfortable enough to introduce yourself?" Hermione asked him.

"Hello, my name is Sheldon and I'm a shape shifter, but my primary form is that of a dragon," he told them.

"Dragon," Leonard muttered. "Big deal."

"I think he's an awesome dragon," Penny said. "It took him ages to find the right form. He was so unhappy going around as a yeti."

"The minute the fir got wet, it would stink to high heaven!" Sheldon complained. "And seeing as I was in the woods of the pacific north-west, it was always wet."

"And then there was your stint as the Jersey Devil."

"That was a practical joke, my love," he told her.

"I know, but something tells me there was a part of you that was trying on that shape on for size," she replied.

"True," he sighed.

"And then there's that whole chupacabra business," she said, pressing a hand to her head. "If we hadn't of cut the head off that poor dead dog and made it look like you did at the time, they would still be hunting for you now!"

"I hate to be the one to break bad news, but they still are looking for the chupacabra," Howard said.

"Yes, but that one isn't him this time so we're good," Penny told him.

Smiling Hermione said, "For those who don't know, my name is Hermione Granger. I'm a natural born witch. I developed this counseling group after the war in the wizarding world when it became apparent that not only were witches and wizards mentally harmed by the war, but so were others as well. My first husband thought it was a waste of time and resources. After I set him on fire, others tended to agree that yes I needed help and this was the first positive step to recovery." She smiled. "Even Ronald agreed with it once he was out of hospital and signed the divorce papers. It was with that first group that I was in that I became reacquainted with my mate/husband." She blushed happily. "We've been together ever since."

…

The therapy session was a routine one and by the end of it, they were all pretty much ready to go home. Penny, looking half asleep, was scooped up off her feet easily by Sheldon, who nodded a goodbye to Hermione as they exited. Leonard tried asking Priya out to dinner and was turned down kindly, yet firmly. She was a descendent of gods. The last thing she wanted or needed was to be associated with a half anything. He then tried to ask Amy out, who sniffed him and muttered something about virgin sacrifices before shaking it off and leaving without a response. Bernadette and Howard waved cheerfully to the counselor and went on their way hand in hand.

Leonard was about to go over to Hermione to ask her out when a tall man, dressed all in black walked into the room. Going over to Hermione, he whispered in a low melodic voice, "It ran late."

Sighing heavily, she said, "I'm sorry, Severus. Sometimes these things happen. We had some new people today…" She paused and looked over to Leonard. "Is there something the matter, Leonard?"

"Uh, no, nothing…Bye." He left, totally dejected without another word.

Shaking her head, she muttered, "That one is going to end up on a spit over an open pit the way he's going ignoring social and politically accepted bylaws in accordance to mates."

"Ready to go home?" he asked, his low voice all velvet and hard edges as he spoke. Clearly he was irritated that this Leonard was more than willing to overlook the fact that a female was mated. He would be having to keep an eye on that runt. One false step toward what was his and it would be his last.

"Yes, more than ready, luv."

He pulled her to her feet, wrapping his arms around her and the two vanished with a crack.

**The end**

…

**And that, as they say, is that. Hope you liked it. Review to let me know what you thought of it. Thanks for reading and have a great day!**


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